The principles of Negotiation can work for you in any situation, but often people ask me, “Well, its often a fact that conflict happens unexpectedly. What if I don’t have time to prepare? Can negotiation skills be used on the spur of the moment?” The answer is YES. The principles of Street Negotiation were created and battle-tested on the streets and it’s power lies in its ability to be used to resolve any conflict anytime. Conflict can be resolved in six easy to learn steps, acronymed as BEDROL(TM). That is: Back-up plan, Emotional control, Defusing their anger, Reframing, Options, and Letting them choose their fate.
Step 1--Back Up Plan.
Having a back-up plan before you step into a conflict is absolutely crucial. Police officers sometimes are so accustom to having people do as they say, they become complacent and fail to have a plan B ready in case the person doesn’t want to comply. An unfortuanate number of police officers have been killed in the line of duty because they didn’t know what to do once the subject refused to comply with their demands. Their lack of a back-up plan made them freeze up, giving the suspect enough time to overpower them. By having a plan B in your pocket prior to dealing with any conflict, you can remain confident that you can still move forward even if your negotiation fails. Remember that your plan B is your best solution that you can come up with on your own without having to talk with your counterpart. For the hostage negotiator, this could mean using the tactical team to take control by force. For two angry neighbors, this could mean going to court. Your plan B gives you the confidence to deal with your counterpart and the ability to move forward, whether you reach an agreement with them or not.
Step 2--Emotional Control
Your anger is the biggest challege towards resolving the conflict peacefully. You need to control your anger by separating the person from the problem. Have pity on the person for attacking you because their real anger lies in the problem, not with you. View the situation rationally without allowing anger into the equation. You always have to remember that if you react with anger—then you’ve lost the battle.
Step 3--Defusing their anger
The other obstacle to overcome is your counterpart’s anger and frustration. These emotions are blinding them from seeing things rationally. Their primary focus is that they were wronged and now they want retribution—often from you. Think of their emotions like a pressure cooker on a stovetop. There are two ways of releasing the pressure: (1) you can pop the lid and the have the contents explode out of the pot from the sudden change in pressure, or (2) you can engage the pressure-release valve and slowly let that steam pressure out of the cooker which will enable you to open the lid without injury. The same is true for an angry person. You want to hit their pressure release switch by using active listening skills. Listen and acknowledge this concerns. Engage them in empathetic responses by trying to walk around in their shoes. Paraphrase back to them what they told you in your own words. You will see a dramatic difference in their level of hostility as they get to vent their anger.
Step 4--Reframing
Now comes the time when you must reframe their position into interests. Do this by first reframing them from an enemy into a partner. Then reframe all their personal attacks on you back on the problem. Then finally, uncover their interests behind their demands with nonconfrontational questions.
Step 5--Options
Discuss options with them and get them involved in the process of thinking about possibilities for a solution. You might have to present some various options that they have available to them. Strive for a cooperative effort to find mutually-satisfying options that will benefit both parties.
Step 6--Letting them choose their fate
Empower your counterpart with the choice to make their own fate. Don’t back them into a corner by telling them what to do. Human beings need control over their own life, otherwise they feel threatened. Let them pick the option that you both have discussed. If they still fail to comply at this point then ask them what the possible consequences are if no agreement can be made. As a last resort, use your back-up plan as an alternative to the negotiation.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Corporate Executive
I would like to comment on the “A Beautiful Mind” movie and the book, which was actually much better. I just finished reading another book on the similar side of John Nashs’ assertion of working together rather than competing against. That book was “Co-opetition.” By Adam M. Brandenburger (Havard guy)and Barry J. Nalebuff (Yale Dude). Many have been aware of such theory for quite a while and practice such occasionally for the betterment of an industry or through the art of diplomacy, sometimes through misdirection and other times as an experiment (nothing more, nothing less) especially when it really does not matter and it is not really core to our direction and market domination strategy for any given region. I would have to differ from the movie version in that if you tried to run your business in the fashion that Jim Nash discussed in theory you might do well for a while, but would eventually get hammered in the market place, whether or not you actually were able to sleep with a brunette when you wanted the blond with the big bust (go see the movie, you will understand that comment). In theory it sounded wonderful in the movie yet would not take you very far in the cut throat world of business, even though the regulators always want to level the playing field, more often then not they are manipulated agents for the competition as indicated by Adam Smith, Carl Marx and Rodney Dangerfield in “Back to School.” The fact is that even the referees of business, namely the regulating bodies who want to see the playing field leveled usually tip it in the favor of a politically powerful and well connected companies which fund the campaigns of the over see’ers (politicians). Once the regulatory bodies find they have been duped rather than bring it up with the politicians, they want to punish all the players in the industry and kick them out of the game, of course this hurts the fans (consumers) and then the game (industry) and then the referees and fans are not needed (read; “When Atlas Shrugged” By Ayn Rand).
Unless a perfect and fair playing field exists John Nash’s dream of a perfect system and economic structure cannot exist and that is pretty straight forward with the study of human psychology, Machiavelli, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the prisoners, dilemma or a multitude of truisms surrounding human nature. The world does not work that way, it is not a perfect world and therefore such theories are not worthy of attempt although obviously interesting from an academia standpoint or discussion at the geological societies random coffee house dialogues.
The win-lose scenario keeps forcing someone to lose, if we were to really see the true picture here we would find that what John Nash was saying is that you need to take into consideration giving someone else what they want so you can get what you want. I say Obviously John is right. Too bad regulators condemn the greatest contributors of mankind, while the competitors cheat, the playing field is not leveled and the true voter of the monetary unit of trade called a dollar cannot see thru the clutter and scatter of the advertising and behind the scenes truisms of a system which is not all it seems.
When looking at the true methodology of John Nash’s achievements it is fair to say that being able to put simple concepts into mathematical formulas will significantly help the future of computers capable of fuzzy logic calculate the answers to game theory, war efforts, strategic thinking and competition exposure in business. That will be one of the great achievements of his work, which will be in the future. However one who is at the helm of a business has other responsibilities such as the survival and profitability of the company and using John Nash’s strict modeling in an imperfect world is dangerous to the ongoing vitality of a once going concern. Be careful to prematurely adopt perfect systems in an imperfect world.
Unless a perfect and fair playing field exists John Nash’s dream of a perfect system and economic structure cannot exist and that is pretty straight forward with the study of human psychology, Machiavelli, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the prisoners, dilemma or a multitude of truisms surrounding human nature. The world does not work that way, it is not a perfect world and therefore such theories are not worthy of attempt although obviously interesting from an academia standpoint or discussion at the geological societies random coffee house dialogues.
The win-lose scenario keeps forcing someone to lose, if we were to really see the true picture here we would find that what John Nash was saying is that you need to take into consideration giving someone else what they want so you can get what you want. I say Obviously John is right. Too bad regulators condemn the greatest contributors of mankind, while the competitors cheat, the playing field is not leveled and the true voter of the monetary unit of trade called a dollar cannot see thru the clutter and scatter of the advertising and behind the scenes truisms of a system which is not all it seems.
When looking at the true methodology of John Nash’s achievements it is fair to say that being able to put simple concepts into mathematical formulas will significantly help the future of computers capable of fuzzy logic calculate the answers to game theory, war efforts, strategic thinking and competition exposure in business. That will be one of the great achievements of his work, which will be in the future. However one who is at the helm of a business has other responsibilities such as the survival and profitability of the company and using John Nash’s strict modeling in an imperfect world is dangerous to the ongoing vitality of a once going concern. Be careful to prematurely adopt perfect systems in an imperfect world.
Embarrassed To Discuss
Last week, a wonderfully-skilled electrician installed a new light fixture for us. He was competent, courteous and efficient. He answered all our questions simply, with skill and eloquence. I was amazed, as you might imagine, when I asked him, “How much do we owe you?” and his embarrassed reply was, “Gee, is $50 okay?”
With the quality of work he’d done and the amount of time he put into it, I would have expected to pay double that amount. His resistance to naming his price reminded me of my small business clients who have the same problem.
All entrepreneurs feel fear at some point, including attorneys, consultants, coaches, and writers. It’s a natural part of starting or growing your business. It can be uncomfortable to take risks, to name your price and tell a prospective customer that you want to work with them.
Roberto Goizueta, the late chairman of Coca-Cola, said, "If you take risks, you may still fail; but if you do not take risks, you will surely fail. The greatest risk of all is to do nothing." Put this mantra into your head: Risk equals reward.
So, what’s the problem?
I’ve discovered seven common reasons why we’re afraid to discuss our fees:
1. Do you feel your fees are too high?
2. Do you think you’re not qualified or experienced enough to charge that rate?
3. Are you afraid of rejection? (Or, possibly, afraid of acceptance, which will mean you’ll have to perform?)
4. Are you afraid the prospect will raise an objection to the fee, and you won’t know how to reply?
5. Are you shy and uncomfortable talking with strangers?
6. Are you afraid to take risks?
7. Are you generally uncomfortable talking about money?
Where does this come from? Is it part of your personality or is this a behavior you learned from your past experience or culture? In many families and cultures, it’s taboo to talk about money or to ask to be paid. While it might be personally beneficial to look inside yourself for the reasons why you act this way, it’s also important to get unstuck by using techniques which help you move forward, such as:
• Have a good pricing strategy. Research the average fees for your type of business so that you know your prices are in line with expectation. If you can’t get competitor pricing information, try Brenner Books (http://www.brennerbooks.com/). If your experience warrants it, increase your pricing to reflect your higher skills, knowledge and experience. If you’re not sure how to create a pricing strategy, research it online or talk with a small business consultant or mentor.
• Establish that the prospective customer needs your services before discussing price. You’ll feel more comfortable discussing your fees if you know the prospective customer really want to hire you. Ask a lot of questions to see if their problem and your solution are a good match.
• Put your fees on your website and brochure. In this way, prospects will know your fees before the sales conversation begins.
• Be honest. Tell the prospect what the options are for your services or products, any quantity discounts you offer, and how payment is delivered. Practice saying this over and over again until the words and phrases slip comfortably from your mouth.
• Act confidently when delivering your fees. Don’t downplay your fees. State your fees, then shut up. Don’t make excuses for your fees, or ramble on about them. Look directly at the prospect while delivering your fees.
• Don’t automatically offer discounts. This tells the prospect that your fees are soft and that they’re negotiable. Instead, state your fees and options and ask them to tell you which package is right for them.
• Act “as if.” How would an experienced person in your industry act, when discussing her fees? Act as if you are that person and you’ll find your confidence increasing with each conversation. Practice, practice, practice.
• Get training. If you’re uncomfortable with the whole sales process, get sales training. By attending a class, you’ll learn different ways of saying the same thing, and you’re bound to find a way that’s right for you.
• Refer out. If the prospect really can’t afford your fees and you can’t afford to offer a discount, refer that prospect to someplace where they can find an alternative. Say, “If you can’t afford my fees, you can try these online referral services where you might find someone in your price range.”
Talking about your prices can be uncomfortable. But with practice and persistence, and a willingness to overcome your fears, you can begin to have comfortable conversations with your prospective customers.
With the quality of work he’d done and the amount of time he put into it, I would have expected to pay double that amount. His resistance to naming his price reminded me of my small business clients who have the same problem.
All entrepreneurs feel fear at some point, including attorneys, consultants, coaches, and writers. It’s a natural part of starting or growing your business. It can be uncomfortable to take risks, to name your price and tell a prospective customer that you want to work with them.
Roberto Goizueta, the late chairman of Coca-Cola, said, "If you take risks, you may still fail; but if you do not take risks, you will surely fail. The greatest risk of all is to do nothing." Put this mantra into your head: Risk equals reward.
So, what’s the problem?
I’ve discovered seven common reasons why we’re afraid to discuss our fees:
1. Do you feel your fees are too high?
2. Do you think you’re not qualified or experienced enough to charge that rate?
3. Are you afraid of rejection? (Or, possibly, afraid of acceptance, which will mean you’ll have to perform?)
4. Are you afraid the prospect will raise an objection to the fee, and you won’t know how to reply?
5. Are you shy and uncomfortable talking with strangers?
6. Are you afraid to take risks?
7. Are you generally uncomfortable talking about money?
Where does this come from? Is it part of your personality or is this a behavior you learned from your past experience or culture? In many families and cultures, it’s taboo to talk about money or to ask to be paid. While it might be personally beneficial to look inside yourself for the reasons why you act this way, it’s also important to get unstuck by using techniques which help you move forward, such as:
• Have a good pricing strategy. Research the average fees for your type of business so that you know your prices are in line with expectation. If you can’t get competitor pricing information, try Brenner Books (http://www.brennerbooks.com/). If your experience warrants it, increase your pricing to reflect your higher skills, knowledge and experience. If you’re not sure how to create a pricing strategy, research it online or talk with a small business consultant or mentor.
• Establish that the prospective customer needs your services before discussing price. You’ll feel more comfortable discussing your fees if you know the prospective customer really want to hire you. Ask a lot of questions to see if their problem and your solution are a good match.
• Put your fees on your website and brochure. In this way, prospects will know your fees before the sales conversation begins.
• Be honest. Tell the prospect what the options are for your services or products, any quantity discounts you offer, and how payment is delivered. Practice saying this over and over again until the words and phrases slip comfortably from your mouth.
• Act confidently when delivering your fees. Don’t downplay your fees. State your fees, then shut up. Don’t make excuses for your fees, or ramble on about them. Look directly at the prospect while delivering your fees.
• Don’t automatically offer discounts. This tells the prospect that your fees are soft and that they’re negotiable. Instead, state your fees and options and ask them to tell you which package is right for them.
• Act “as if.” How would an experienced person in your industry act, when discussing her fees? Act as if you are that person and you’ll find your confidence increasing with each conversation. Practice, practice, practice.
• Get training. If you’re uncomfortable with the whole sales process, get sales training. By attending a class, you’ll learn different ways of saying the same thing, and you’re bound to find a way that’s right for you.
• Refer out. If the prospect really can’t afford your fees and you can’t afford to offer a discount, refer that prospect to someplace where they can find an alternative. Say, “If you can’t afford my fees, you can try these online referral services where you might find someone in your price range.”
Talking about your prices can be uncomfortable. But with practice and persistence, and a willingness to overcome your fears, you can begin to have comfortable conversations with your prospective customers.
Cultural Negotiation Style
Cultural and national negotiation styles reflect communication behaviors and the priorities of that culture. Priorities such as trust, teamwork, non-confrontational situations, and openness are all along a sliding scale with each culture. The communication behaviors of each culture reflect these priorities and can dictate how a culture will engage in negotiations. Often, Japanese and other Asian negotiators will plan a social event and dinner before any real negotiations occur. Likewise, Americans place an emphasis on taking clients out to dinner and a round of golf. Engaging in this type of activity builds trust and opens the line of communication between the two parties. Using persuasive techniques to “connect” with another person can lead to trust and the sense of a relationship being built. The negotiation styles of these two cultures mesh well, thus allowing them to understand the priorities of each other’s culture.
Once a relationship has been built on trust, the negotiators can begin sharing information. This level of openness is highly dependant on the level of openness for that country. This stage in negotiations require each party to fulfill their end of reciprocation – which can sometimes make one party feel like they are being confronted - but if done correctly can develop “quick trust” (Brett, 207). Quick Trust develops when two groups share information and allow the other party to see their weak side. Obviously developing trust is important, however some cultures simply may not be comfortable with divulging information quickly.
Getting Down to business: Using Culture to Persuade Arguably one of the most important factors in negotiation is an understating of the culture in which you are engaging in negotiations. Cultures vary in their openness and in the time that business in conducted. Terms of agreements should be taken into consideration; for example, Italy has a 90-day billing cycle versus the “normal” USA 30-billing cycle. These cultural norms are very important for understanding how to succeed in negotiating on a global scale. Building relationships is the key for building trust among partners or potential clients. Trust can become an all encompassing factor when it comes time to make a final decision, the understanding of what is expected and following through will allow negotiations to flow smoothly.
Once a relationship has been built on trust, the negotiators can begin sharing information. This level of openness is highly dependant on the level of openness for that country. This stage in negotiations require each party to fulfill their end of reciprocation – which can sometimes make one party feel like they are being confronted - but if done correctly can develop “quick trust” (Brett, 207). Quick Trust develops when two groups share information and allow the other party to see their weak side. Obviously developing trust is important, however some cultures simply may not be comfortable with divulging information quickly.
Getting Down to business: Using Culture to Persuade Arguably one of the most important factors in negotiation is an understating of the culture in which you are engaging in negotiations. Cultures vary in their openness and in the time that business in conducted. Terms of agreements should be taken into consideration; for example, Italy has a 90-day billing cycle versus the “normal” USA 30-billing cycle. These cultural norms are very important for understanding how to succeed in negotiating on a global scale. Building relationships is the key for building trust among partners or potential clients. Trust can become an all encompassing factor when it comes time to make a final decision, the understanding of what is expected and following through will allow negotiations to flow smoothly.
Service Be a Commodity
Well Enron dealt with this a little for instance an intangible such as the available bandwidth in fiber optic lines. So what is a commodity in a service business? Well, a commodity could be considered are capacity to wash cars for a mobile car wash business like the company I own, the additionally created capacity coming from increased efficiency in studying production rates. In a service business, increased efficiencies will allow more time to do more work and thus make more profits from additional work.
Our biggest customers sign contracts with us to clean cars, concrete, fleets, etc. by signing the contracts with us in advance, what they are able to do is the guarantee that we will do their job first, no matter how busy we get or no matter how much in demand we are to other potential clients. Service Contracts could in fact be commoditized too you see, just like Enron had decided it could do with excess bandwidth in fiber optic lines or timber futures for new home builders. The excess capacity for washing cars could be the capacity of our units to wash cars in advance directly to the general public after those important pre-scheduled and contracted fleets produce. By using prepaid carwash cards we can sell carwashes in advance to our customers at a predetermined price. We guarantee we will deliver those carwashes even enough the relative price of carwashes go up due to the demand that occurs both from seasonality, changing demographics and that change in more sunnier weather (which makes our phone ring off the hook).
Our customers are able to lock in the price of a carwash, or many carwashes, or a contract for our capacity to wash cars. Like Starbucks we are smart, we are constantly improving our capacity to wash more cars, while we eliminate other market players by bundling services, providing better services, afford better equipment, better marketing dollars or lower prices to the customer who signs up in advance. With these contracts in hand any company can use those against bank loans for influx of capital for expansion, those who sell their products and yes, services too will be able to better judge their future obligations and needs. Those who buy the contracts can also have their costs known and locked in. Those who trade on the float and provide a system for doing this also tend to assist the system by risking their monies on their perceived future possibilities of price fluctuations in that market.
So in fact a service, which becomes a commodity stabilizes prices, promotes efficiency and allows customers to lock in guaranteed deliver and price and that is a good thing, think about it Enron did.
Our biggest customers sign contracts with us to clean cars, concrete, fleets, etc. by signing the contracts with us in advance, what they are able to do is the guarantee that we will do their job first, no matter how busy we get or no matter how much in demand we are to other potential clients. Service Contracts could in fact be commoditized too you see, just like Enron had decided it could do with excess bandwidth in fiber optic lines or timber futures for new home builders. The excess capacity for washing cars could be the capacity of our units to wash cars in advance directly to the general public after those important pre-scheduled and contracted fleets produce. By using prepaid carwash cards we can sell carwashes in advance to our customers at a predetermined price. We guarantee we will deliver those carwashes even enough the relative price of carwashes go up due to the demand that occurs both from seasonality, changing demographics and that change in more sunnier weather (which makes our phone ring off the hook).
Our customers are able to lock in the price of a carwash, or many carwashes, or a contract for our capacity to wash cars. Like Starbucks we are smart, we are constantly improving our capacity to wash more cars, while we eliminate other market players by bundling services, providing better services, afford better equipment, better marketing dollars or lower prices to the customer who signs up in advance. With these contracts in hand any company can use those against bank loans for influx of capital for expansion, those who sell their products and yes, services too will be able to better judge their future obligations and needs. Those who buy the contracts can also have their costs known and locked in. Those who trade on the float and provide a system for doing this also tend to assist the system by risking their monies on their perceived future possibilities of price fluctuations in that market.
So in fact a service, which becomes a commodity stabilizes prices, promotes efficiency and allows customers to lock in guaranteed deliver and price and that is a good thing, think about it Enron did.
Business Disputes
Business owners have four options to resolve disputes with partners, vendors or customers. Each option is based on different assumptions, and entails a different cost. Therefore, it pays to understand them better.
Option #1 – Direct negotiation
Direct negotiation is certainly the cheapest - but not necessarily the easiest – way to resolve a conflict. A good place to start, is to get clear about what one wants, why, and how much one cares for the future relationship with the other person. The next step, is finding out how the situation looks from the other person’s perspective. This task requires effective questioning, listening, and observing. The final negotiation step, is crafting an agreement that both parties believe to be better than all other alternatives.
To negotiate successfully one needs some planning, communication and negotiation skills. Without them, it is easy to end up with no deal, or a bad deal, or even a personal war.
Option #2 - Mediation
The goal of mediation is not to find who is right or wrong, but how the problem at hand can best be resolved. Mediation is a process in which parties who disagree meet with a neutral third-party, who facilitates their negotiations. The mediator doesn't have any decision-making authority. The parties decide how to resolve their problem, in a way that is mutually acceptable.
Since mediation is confidential, mediation discussions and materials are not admissible in court. In a sense, when people mediate they have everything to gain and nothing to lose. If they are able to reach a mutually acceptable agreement with the mediator’s assistance, that’s great. Otherwise, they can still use the remaining two options. And in that case, whatever they have said or heard, offered or counter-offered during mediation, doesn’t matter.
Option #3 – Arbitration
The business dispute is submitted to a neutral arbitrator, who examines the evidence, listens to the parties and renders a binding decision. The conflicting parties must accept the arbitrator’s decision, no matter whether they like it or not. Arbitration is past-oriented, and requires a certain amount of fact-finding. Therefore, generally it takes more time (and money) than mediation, but less than litigation.
Option #4 – Litigation
The fourth option is to let the judge decide which party is right or wrong, based on the facts and the law. In actuality, though, the vast majority of civil cases never get that far (some statistics say up to 90%). They settle out of court. A few days – or even hours – before the trial, the two conflicting parties, assisted by their respective attorneys, prefer to negotiate their own agreement, rather than running the risk of losing in court.
For business owners – as well as for anyone else - litigation has two major drawbacks. First, it inevitably has a detrimental effect on the future relationship between the parties. Second, it can be quite expensive in terms of time, money and stress. Nonetheless, when a business dispute cannot be resolved any other way, litigation is a valid option.
Option #1 – Direct negotiation
Direct negotiation is certainly the cheapest - but not necessarily the easiest – way to resolve a conflict. A good place to start, is to get clear about what one wants, why, and how much one cares for the future relationship with the other person. The next step, is finding out how the situation looks from the other person’s perspective. This task requires effective questioning, listening, and observing. The final negotiation step, is crafting an agreement that both parties believe to be better than all other alternatives.
To negotiate successfully one needs some planning, communication and negotiation skills. Without them, it is easy to end up with no deal, or a bad deal, or even a personal war.
Option #2 - Mediation
The goal of mediation is not to find who is right or wrong, but how the problem at hand can best be resolved. Mediation is a process in which parties who disagree meet with a neutral third-party, who facilitates their negotiations. The mediator doesn't have any decision-making authority. The parties decide how to resolve their problem, in a way that is mutually acceptable.
Since mediation is confidential, mediation discussions and materials are not admissible in court. In a sense, when people mediate they have everything to gain and nothing to lose. If they are able to reach a mutually acceptable agreement with the mediator’s assistance, that’s great. Otherwise, they can still use the remaining two options. And in that case, whatever they have said or heard, offered or counter-offered during mediation, doesn’t matter.
Option #3 – Arbitration
The business dispute is submitted to a neutral arbitrator, who examines the evidence, listens to the parties and renders a binding decision. The conflicting parties must accept the arbitrator’s decision, no matter whether they like it or not. Arbitration is past-oriented, and requires a certain amount of fact-finding. Therefore, generally it takes more time (and money) than mediation, but less than litigation.
Option #4 – Litigation
The fourth option is to let the judge decide which party is right or wrong, based on the facts and the law. In actuality, though, the vast majority of civil cases never get that far (some statistics say up to 90%). They settle out of court. A few days – or even hours – before the trial, the two conflicting parties, assisted by their respective attorneys, prefer to negotiate their own agreement, rather than running the risk of losing in court.
For business owners – as well as for anyone else - litigation has two major drawbacks. First, it inevitably has a detrimental effect on the future relationship between the parties. Second, it can be quite expensive in terms of time, money and stress. Nonetheless, when a business dispute cannot be resolved any other way, litigation is a valid option.
Ancient and Modern Approaches
“Conflict” is a word that can have varying degrees of severity, meaning, and implication for each individual or circumstance. For example, the conflict that is experienced in our current, daily lives seems insignificant in comparison to the Samurai, or those in war, who faced death on a regular basis. However, it is still important to extrapolate the significant lessons that have been derived from such severe scenarios, as these notions are still applicable in the conflict that we experience in the workplace and life today.
Conflict is unavoidable, as each individual has unique and differing thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Therefore, it is important to learn ways to minimize and manage this difficulty, in order to ensure efficient and harmonious interactions. This article provides the genesis of a personal path, introducing tools and ways to minimize and manage conflict, while pointing to the origin of these concepts. After an overview of these modern and ancient approaches, a discussion will follow on applying successful tools and techniques for managing conflict. These ideas can be used to help clear the mind for better decision-making, and consequently, ensure a personal pathway to success.
New approaches to ancient concepts
Profound strategies and lessons to minimize and manage conflict have been around for thousands of years in forms such as the classic Chinese texts the “Book of Change – Tao de Ching” and the “Art of War”. Today, modern legends including Stephen Covey (“7 Habits for Highly Effective People”) and Dale Carnegie present similar corporate and personal tools. As many know the “7 Habits” is not a group of new concepts, but age-old approaches to success and conflict management, represented in a way that can be clearly applied to modern day personal and corporate development.
Discovering the origin & foundation of concepts
Although many of the true ancient concepts have been exaggerated or misused through incorrect interpretations, they can be applied in non-extreme forms relevant to the modern day from such arts as: Zen (which is not a religion, but a path for self discovery and growth), the “Art of War” by Sun Tzu (the classic text on strategy which is often regarded as the most definitive text on the topic), and the Tao de Ching (the “book of change”). These all provide profound lessons for leadership, change, success, peace of mind and conflict management.
A workplace example – an tense group meeting debating a topic
If one has to enter a meeting with a number of staff peers on a topic that is likely to require an intense debate, a strategy can be put into place to help provide a successful outcome (this should be combined with the other approaches outlined below). For example, one can approach the members of the meeting individually prior to the meeting to convey your preferred position. Once the meeting has started you will hopefully already have likely confrontational people already “on-side” to achieve your desired outcome in a non-confrontational way.
The Key to Managing Conflict: bringing it all together, and applying it today
All the above methods (old and new) are about changing core behavior and approaches, in order to avoid conflict and simultaneously achieve personal success.
As Sun Tzu states:
“If you know yourself and know others – you will be successful.
If you know others and not yourself, you will win one and lose one.
If you do not know others and do not know yourself, you are destined for failure in every battle.”
These are core values, and far more important than putting band-aids on problems, or approaching things with simply a short-term change. In regard to the ancient philosophies, they of course must be interpreted, and applied, using case studies and real world examples in a context that matches the modern corporate world. Applied Zen (http://www.appliedzen.com/) is a company that provides workshops, and downloadable videos online, regarding these exact topics with a unique approach. This is achieved through implementation of physical interaction drills to reinforce the concepts covered in workshop presentations. Studies have shown that learning conflict management based on physical as well as mental practice greatly increases the participants’ retention, and consequently, aids in implementation (more than 2 to 3 fold improvement).
Aggressive escalation of conflict
Conflict is derived from many circumstances, but quite regularly it can be escalated because of a person’s approach to the situation. In the Japanese language, there are two words that help to describe this: aiki and kiai. These words are derived from the same two characters, and are simply reversed to convey an opposite meaning. Kiai is a form of showing intensity and channelling it towards an individual, and in the martial arts ‘kiai’ is a very loud, expulsion of air and voice to intimidate or scare an opponent. Aiki is the opposite of head-to-head approaches and allows one to avoid escalating conflict (hence the martial art “Aiki-do”). Yet the approach still incorporates assertiveness a key attribute in any successful negotiation. Consider for a moment which concept would be most beneficial in dealing with conflict in a meeting at work or your personal life: kiai, or aiki?
“Show softness yet engage the opponent with hardness. Show weakness yet engage with fluid strength”
Obviously aiki is more practical, and will produce a more desired outcome. If we listen with the intent to understand - not to respond, if we get all our thoughts together before we confront another person, we can strategically work with someone to maintain our own balance and not produce antagonism in the person with whom we are dealing.
“Reaching a centered state, so I can perform at my best”
Having an open mind, and a relaxed physical and mental state will ensure I have an approach which is non-confrontational and provide a first step to maganging or avoiding conflict. An approach of aligning your thoughts and actions, and taking a moment to breathe and release tension, will create a more relaxed state within yourself as well as the person you are dealing with. This approach will enable you to convey your points in a way that your opponent will be unable to avoid or refuse. Settling oneself creates a calm and open mind: you are able to listen, think, and respond (in this order), and this is positively received by others. If you are able to settle yourself at any point (i.e. before, during, or after you feel aggression arising), others will respond to your calm, open mind, and it will put them into the same relaxed state. In various physical arts the importance of relaxed upper body, a low center of gravity and appropriate breathing creates this state. Zen and other conflict relevant arts have such Japanese terms such as “mushin”, “mizu no kokoro” and using the “hara” (stomach area) for creating and optimal physical state for mental performance.
Conflict within oneself – perhaps the most important conflict to understand Lessons such as “trying to defend/attack too many areas at once leaves the troops divided and weak” from Sun Tzu can be translated to an individual. Just as Stephen Covey asks, “How thin can you spread yourself before you are no longer there?”. Applying such lessons to your life today can have a profound impact on personal conflict – don’t take on more than you can handle, or you will begin to sacrifice the very essence of who you are. Although it is not direct conflict between two people, it is still relevant. If you have conflict within yourself, you are destined to have conflict with others. You will understand that conflict is not merely the apparent external problems – it also involves each individual and his/her conflicts within.
Sharpen the sword…
Businesses and individuals everywhere are using these philosophies to manage conflict more effectively and to achieve success. Therefore, it is essential to train one’s skills & endure ongoing development. As the ancient Samurai saying states, “Continuously sharpen the sword, or it will go blunt!”
Conflict is unavoidable, as each individual has unique and differing thoughts, ideas, and opinions. Therefore, it is important to learn ways to minimize and manage this difficulty, in order to ensure efficient and harmonious interactions. This article provides the genesis of a personal path, introducing tools and ways to minimize and manage conflict, while pointing to the origin of these concepts. After an overview of these modern and ancient approaches, a discussion will follow on applying successful tools and techniques for managing conflict. These ideas can be used to help clear the mind for better decision-making, and consequently, ensure a personal pathway to success.
New approaches to ancient concepts
Profound strategies and lessons to minimize and manage conflict have been around for thousands of years in forms such as the classic Chinese texts the “Book of Change – Tao de Ching” and the “Art of War”. Today, modern legends including Stephen Covey (“7 Habits for Highly Effective People”) and Dale Carnegie present similar corporate and personal tools. As many know the “7 Habits” is not a group of new concepts, but age-old approaches to success and conflict management, represented in a way that can be clearly applied to modern day personal and corporate development.
Discovering the origin & foundation of concepts
Although many of the true ancient concepts have been exaggerated or misused through incorrect interpretations, they can be applied in non-extreme forms relevant to the modern day from such arts as: Zen (which is not a religion, but a path for self discovery and growth), the “Art of War” by Sun Tzu (the classic text on strategy which is often regarded as the most definitive text on the topic), and the Tao de Ching (the “book of change”). These all provide profound lessons for leadership, change, success, peace of mind and conflict management.
A workplace example – an tense group meeting debating a topic
If one has to enter a meeting with a number of staff peers on a topic that is likely to require an intense debate, a strategy can be put into place to help provide a successful outcome (this should be combined with the other approaches outlined below). For example, one can approach the members of the meeting individually prior to the meeting to convey your preferred position. Once the meeting has started you will hopefully already have likely confrontational people already “on-side” to achieve your desired outcome in a non-confrontational way.
The Key to Managing Conflict: bringing it all together, and applying it today
All the above methods (old and new) are about changing core behavior and approaches, in order to avoid conflict and simultaneously achieve personal success.
As Sun Tzu states:
“If you know yourself and know others – you will be successful.
If you know others and not yourself, you will win one and lose one.
If you do not know others and do not know yourself, you are destined for failure in every battle.”
These are core values, and far more important than putting band-aids on problems, or approaching things with simply a short-term change. In regard to the ancient philosophies, they of course must be interpreted, and applied, using case studies and real world examples in a context that matches the modern corporate world. Applied Zen (http://www.appliedzen.com/) is a company that provides workshops, and downloadable videos online, regarding these exact topics with a unique approach. This is achieved through implementation of physical interaction drills to reinforce the concepts covered in workshop presentations. Studies have shown that learning conflict management based on physical as well as mental practice greatly increases the participants’ retention, and consequently, aids in implementation (more than 2 to 3 fold improvement).
Aggressive escalation of conflict
Conflict is derived from many circumstances, but quite regularly it can be escalated because of a person’s approach to the situation. In the Japanese language, there are two words that help to describe this: aiki and kiai. These words are derived from the same two characters, and are simply reversed to convey an opposite meaning. Kiai is a form of showing intensity and channelling it towards an individual, and in the martial arts ‘kiai’ is a very loud, expulsion of air and voice to intimidate or scare an opponent. Aiki is the opposite of head-to-head approaches and allows one to avoid escalating conflict (hence the martial art “Aiki-do”). Yet the approach still incorporates assertiveness a key attribute in any successful negotiation. Consider for a moment which concept would be most beneficial in dealing with conflict in a meeting at work or your personal life: kiai, or aiki?
“Show softness yet engage the opponent with hardness. Show weakness yet engage with fluid strength”
Obviously aiki is more practical, and will produce a more desired outcome. If we listen with the intent to understand - not to respond, if we get all our thoughts together before we confront another person, we can strategically work with someone to maintain our own balance and not produce antagonism in the person with whom we are dealing.
“Reaching a centered state, so I can perform at my best”
Having an open mind, and a relaxed physical and mental state will ensure I have an approach which is non-confrontational and provide a first step to maganging or avoiding conflict. An approach of aligning your thoughts and actions, and taking a moment to breathe and release tension, will create a more relaxed state within yourself as well as the person you are dealing with. This approach will enable you to convey your points in a way that your opponent will be unable to avoid or refuse. Settling oneself creates a calm and open mind: you are able to listen, think, and respond (in this order), and this is positively received by others. If you are able to settle yourself at any point (i.e. before, during, or after you feel aggression arising), others will respond to your calm, open mind, and it will put them into the same relaxed state. In various physical arts the importance of relaxed upper body, a low center of gravity and appropriate breathing creates this state. Zen and other conflict relevant arts have such Japanese terms such as “mushin”, “mizu no kokoro” and using the “hara” (stomach area) for creating and optimal physical state for mental performance.
Conflict within oneself – perhaps the most important conflict to understand Lessons such as “trying to defend/attack too many areas at once leaves the troops divided and weak” from Sun Tzu can be translated to an individual. Just as Stephen Covey asks, “How thin can you spread yourself before you are no longer there?”. Applying such lessons to your life today can have a profound impact on personal conflict – don’t take on more than you can handle, or you will begin to sacrifice the very essence of who you are. Although it is not direct conflict between two people, it is still relevant. If you have conflict within yourself, you are destined to have conflict with others. You will understand that conflict is not merely the apparent external problems – it also involves each individual and his/her conflicts within.
Sharpen the sword…
Businesses and individuals everywhere are using these philosophies to manage conflict more effectively and to achieve success. Therefore, it is essential to train one’s skills & endure ongoing development. As the ancient Samurai saying states, “Continuously sharpen the sword, or it will go blunt!”
Business Online or Offline
How Barter Can Help Your Business
Barter trade is a powerful instrument that represents a solution for companies with available stock or services. By accepting payment in trade money instead of cash, a business maximizes their efficiency by increasing stock turnover or billable hours. Using the trade currency earned, that company can pay for goods or services they want, without paying cash.
1. Barter Generates New Clientele:
Allowing you to increase your market and preserve your cash paying customers. This is incremental business – clients who bypass rival businesses to do business with you.
2. Barter Moves Surplus Stock:
Retailers must keep their stock moving. Barter will bring you buyers to move surplus stock, eliminating the advertising costs and weighty discounting otherwise needed to achieve this.
3. Barter Conserves Cash and Increases Profits:
Bartering creates new clients because buyers are encouraged to pay with their products or services to save cash. e.g, if you had to buy a photocopier for £1500, what would you rather do? Write a cheque or pay with an equal amount of your product or service at its normal selling price to a new customer? Most businesses prefer to trade and preserve cash.
5. Networking Expands Your Customer Base:
Barter customers will bring you all of the cash referrals that your present clients bring. You will gain new cash paying customers too - as long as you give your barter customers the same great services and pricing as you offer everyone else.
6. Increase Productivity by Filling Downtime and Unused Capacity:
Service Business: Increase billable hours! If you are not at 100% capacity twelve months a year and can handle new customers, you fill your idle time with new business opportunities. Now you will have trade currency to purchase what you need.
Barter trade is a powerful instrument that represents a solution for companies with available stock or services. By accepting payment in trade money instead of cash, a business maximizes their efficiency by increasing stock turnover or billable hours. Using the trade currency earned, that company can pay for goods or services they want, without paying cash.
1. Barter Generates New Clientele:
Allowing you to increase your market and preserve your cash paying customers. This is incremental business – clients who bypass rival businesses to do business with you.
2. Barter Moves Surplus Stock:
Retailers must keep their stock moving. Barter will bring you buyers to move surplus stock, eliminating the advertising costs and weighty discounting otherwise needed to achieve this.
3. Barter Conserves Cash and Increases Profits:
Bartering creates new clients because buyers are encouraged to pay with their products or services to save cash. e.g, if you had to buy a photocopier for £1500, what would you rather do? Write a cheque or pay with an equal amount of your product or service at its normal selling price to a new customer? Most businesses prefer to trade and preserve cash.
5. Networking Expands Your Customer Base:
Barter customers will bring you all of the cash referrals that your present clients bring. You will gain new cash paying customers too - as long as you give your barter customers the same great services and pricing as you offer everyone else.
6. Increase Productivity by Filling Downtime and Unused Capacity:
Service Business: Increase billable hours! If you are not at 100% capacity twelve months a year and can handle new customers, you fill your idle time with new business opportunities. Now you will have trade currency to purchase what you need.
Communicating Across
There was a time in my life when I sold life insurance. Well, to be frank, I tried to sell life insurance. With little success.
And while I didn't sell any insurance, I did learn a thing or two, and I'd like to explore one of them with you today - time horizons.
Some of the prospective policyholders I met could visualize themselves well into the future, say 20 or 30 years into the future. They were obviously good prospects for life insurance. Others focused more on the coming year or few years. To them, something that might or might not happen 20 years ahead was a pure abstraction with little relevance.
Now, let's put these perspectives into a communication context: When you send or receive messages, do you factor in the time horizon of the person who sent you a message or gets one from you?
Let's consider an example that's similar to my experience. Say you're trying to sell mutual funds to a new investor. You enthusiastically point out the possibility of getting rich by saving every month for perhaps 25 years. But the person across the desk looks at you with a blank face. Perhaps he's thinking to himself that the money could be used to pay down the loan on his truck in three years instead of five, and then he could buy a new one much sooner.
Or, consider the time horizons that involve communication between managers and the people who report to them. Generally speaking, the higher you are in a hierarchy, the further ahead you're expected to look and anticipate.
So, how do you handle messages to people who have different time horizons than you? First, be aware of the possibility that they may exist. Ask a few probing questions that help you find differences.
Second, use visualizations that help others imagine the future, and how they'll fit into that picture. For example, companies that sell retirement packages spend a lot of money trying to get us to imagine ourselves basking in luxury on a tropical beach.
Third, don't just talk about that future time in an abstract way. Personalize it by explaining how it will affect the person you're addressing. Give that person a stake in the future you foresee.
Fourth, get to that future time in steps, not in one big jump. Don't ask a 25 year old to visualize where she'll be at age 65. Instead, talk to her about the typical life styles at ages 35, 45, 55, and 65.
Finally, put the processes into reverse if someone else asks you to visualize a time horizon that's unfamiliar. Ask yourself what kind of assumptions and visions he brings to his scenario, and adjust accordingly.
In summary, different time horizons can be a barrier to good communication. To overcome these potential barriers you start by first recognizing the possibility of their existence. If they do exist you can use visualization, personalization, and a series of time steps rather than one big jump.
And while I didn't sell any insurance, I did learn a thing or two, and I'd like to explore one of them with you today - time horizons.
Some of the prospective policyholders I met could visualize themselves well into the future, say 20 or 30 years into the future. They were obviously good prospects for life insurance. Others focused more on the coming year or few years. To them, something that might or might not happen 20 years ahead was a pure abstraction with little relevance.
Now, let's put these perspectives into a communication context: When you send or receive messages, do you factor in the time horizon of the person who sent you a message or gets one from you?
Let's consider an example that's similar to my experience. Say you're trying to sell mutual funds to a new investor. You enthusiastically point out the possibility of getting rich by saving every month for perhaps 25 years. But the person across the desk looks at you with a blank face. Perhaps he's thinking to himself that the money could be used to pay down the loan on his truck in three years instead of five, and then he could buy a new one much sooner.
Or, consider the time horizons that involve communication between managers and the people who report to them. Generally speaking, the higher you are in a hierarchy, the further ahead you're expected to look and anticipate.
So, how do you handle messages to people who have different time horizons than you? First, be aware of the possibility that they may exist. Ask a few probing questions that help you find differences.
Second, use visualizations that help others imagine the future, and how they'll fit into that picture. For example, companies that sell retirement packages spend a lot of money trying to get us to imagine ourselves basking in luxury on a tropical beach.
Third, don't just talk about that future time in an abstract way. Personalize it by explaining how it will affect the person you're addressing. Give that person a stake in the future you foresee.
Fourth, get to that future time in steps, not in one big jump. Don't ask a 25 year old to visualize where she'll be at age 65. Instead, talk to her about the typical life styles at ages 35, 45, 55, and 65.
Finally, put the processes into reverse if someone else asks you to visualize a time horizon that's unfamiliar. Ask yourself what kind of assumptions and visions he brings to his scenario, and adjust accordingly.
In summary, different time horizons can be a barrier to good communication. To overcome these potential barriers you start by first recognizing the possibility of their existence. If they do exist you can use visualization, personalization, and a series of time steps rather than one big jump.
Art of Haggling
Did you know that at one time in this country that there were no fixed prices on anything. You would go into a store and find an item you needed then you would begin the process of negotiating the price. This might seem foreign to us today, but it use to be the rule. In a later article I'll talk more about the history of price negotiation in this country, but today I want to give you some pointers about how to negotiate well.
To begin with you can negotiate the price on just about any item today. You would be surprised at just how many stores will gladly talk to you about a price reduction, but before we get to the techniques of negotiation,we need to remember some simple rules of negotiation.
First never negotiate the price of an item that you do not intend on buying. It is unfair to the seller and to other shoppers who are serious about a purchase. Secondly, be reasonable and not greedy. The seller needs to make a profit to stay in business so don't make outrageous price reduction demands. He will be easier to work with if he believes that you are being fair and not just trying to cheat him. Thirdly, please be patient and courteous at all times. Remember that your goal is to get the best deal you can, so go slow enough that the seller believes that you really care about the item in question.
Now on to the techniques of negotiating. If you take my advice and go slow, this part will be much earier. Ask the seller about the item and let him tell you what he knows. Show genuine interest in the item and if you are not all that interested after he has told you about it, then thank him for his time and dismiss yourself. Most sellers will appreciate this approach more than an abrupt exit and also remember to always ask for some type of card so you can be sure of who you talked to should you want to see the item again. If after he has shown you the item and you are still interested, then clarify the asking price.
Occasionally the seller will allow for a modest discount with as simple a request as "Is that the lowest that you can go" on your part. If the seller offers a price reduction and it is suitable to you, then complete the transaction and leave. Should the seller need for someone else to approve a price reduction, then wait patiently for them to arrive.
Do not appear to be impatient or irritated. When the person arrives who can give you a price reduction, be sure to immediately thank them for taking their time to help you. Ask them about the item and remember they are not aware of what you have discussed with the other person. So do not assume they are aware of what you are requesting. Do not use complaints as the basis of your request and use the same approach as you did with the other person. If a price can be agreed to, then you leave happy and they have made a sale.
But let's say that you are unable to get the reduction you desire, then thank them for their help and ask if the item may be available at a lower price in the future. This lets them know that you are interested in the item and not just trying to get something for nothing. Finally remember that not all attempts will be successful and you do not have to get a reduction on everything you buy. So pick your items carefully and be consistent. You'll be surprised at just how many things can be purchased for a reduced price. I hope you the best of luck in the future as you use these simple rules.
To begin with you can negotiate the price on just about any item today. You would be surprised at just how many stores will gladly talk to you about a price reduction, but before we get to the techniques of negotiation,we need to remember some simple rules of negotiation.
First never negotiate the price of an item that you do not intend on buying. It is unfair to the seller and to other shoppers who are serious about a purchase. Secondly, be reasonable and not greedy. The seller needs to make a profit to stay in business so don't make outrageous price reduction demands. He will be easier to work with if he believes that you are being fair and not just trying to cheat him. Thirdly, please be patient and courteous at all times. Remember that your goal is to get the best deal you can, so go slow enough that the seller believes that you really care about the item in question.
Now on to the techniques of negotiating. If you take my advice and go slow, this part will be much earier. Ask the seller about the item and let him tell you what he knows. Show genuine interest in the item and if you are not all that interested after he has told you about it, then thank him for his time and dismiss yourself. Most sellers will appreciate this approach more than an abrupt exit and also remember to always ask for some type of card so you can be sure of who you talked to should you want to see the item again. If after he has shown you the item and you are still interested, then clarify the asking price.
Occasionally the seller will allow for a modest discount with as simple a request as "Is that the lowest that you can go" on your part. If the seller offers a price reduction and it is suitable to you, then complete the transaction and leave. Should the seller need for someone else to approve a price reduction, then wait patiently for them to arrive.
Do not appear to be impatient or irritated. When the person arrives who can give you a price reduction, be sure to immediately thank them for taking their time to help you. Ask them about the item and remember they are not aware of what you have discussed with the other person. So do not assume they are aware of what you are requesting. Do not use complaints as the basis of your request and use the same approach as you did with the other person. If a price can be agreed to, then you leave happy and they have made a sale.
But let's say that you are unable to get the reduction you desire, then thank them for their help and ask if the item may be available at a lower price in the future. This lets them know that you are interested in the item and not just trying to get something for nothing. Finally remember that not all attempts will be successful and you do not have to get a reduction on everything you buy. So pick your items carefully and be consistent. You'll be surprised at just how many things can be purchased for a reduced price. I hope you the best of luck in the future as you use these simple rules.
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